Take me back to the place where I first loved you.
The fucking pendulum never stops swinging, does it? As soon as I find myself centered, momentum pulls, pulls, pulls me in the very direction I ran from on the last go-round. What does it take to be settled? I loved and cried and laughed and was so high on life that I was utterly breathless. Channeling feelings to words was never easier. But all these feelings broke me.
Dare I call it “All the Evil”?
Yes.
All the Evil.
It happened. And it was bad. Very, very bad.
And I swung so far opposite from what I had become. I loved, yes. I cried, yes. But I isolated. I named it healing. I called it learning. But I ignored too many relationships. And I focused on myself in the most selfish of ways.
So, here I am fighting gravity from pulling me on towards hell again. But the whole crash-bang-burn situation is slamming my guts RIGHT NOW to the point of feeling nauseated. I fear that this “mending” that I’ve claimed hasn’t been mending at all, but only a framed façade that I decorated with tie dye and drunken ballads and TOMs and calloused hands and those god damned annoying dietetics majors. ‘I AM A NEW PERSON’ screams the flashing sign I so readily stamped onto my forehead. But anyone who knows me, really knows me, might be able to unscrew a few of those light bulbs and realize that I am in fact the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, five years ago.
I didn’t really learn anything at all. I chose to forget.
Gosh darn. I am so lost.
I lost a year of my life to you.
And I’m still struggling to take it back.
Going Nowhere.
(via soilforthesoul)
Frosty morning.
Hook me up to that caffeine drip. (at UD Darkside)
Taken with Instagram at Woodland Cemetery and Arboretum
